One Marshmallow or Two?

November 7, 2022

The child sat and hungrily gazed at the white, fluffy marshmallow. It looked so yummy!

An adult in the room gave the child a choice. If he did NOT eat the gooey chunk of goodness while she was away, he would receive TWO of these wonderful, luscious treats. If he ate the marshmallow before she got back, there would be no extra marshmallow.

The door shut. The adult was gone. The child fidgeted in his seat. Should he just grab it and taste its goodness? Or should he wait patiently for the adult to return and excitedly have his hands on two marshmallows?

The choice was quite simple: have the treat right now or have two treats later.

This scenario was repeated in many rooms. A child, a marshmallow, and an adult making a promise of another marshmallow if the original marshmallow was untouched.

Some of the children could not wait. Those children reached for their respective marshmallows and ate them. The promise of the second marshmallow was a distant memory and not up for consideration in their mind’s negotiations.

Some of the children did wait, anticipating a second one if they didn’t touch that delectable marshmallow in front of them.

The adult came back. Sure enough, the children who ate the marshmallows did not receive a second marshmallow. The children who decided to wait received their second marshmallow.

The children in this experiment (coined the Marshmallow Experiment) were followed by researchers for over 40 years. The group of children who were able to wait to receive the second marshmallow had lower levels of substance abuse, lower likelihood of obesity, better social skills, were able to respond to stress better, had higher SAT scores, and measured better in other parameters of life success.

These children were able to delay gratification. Developing a way to delay gratification seems to be one of the habits that may help with success in the future.

What is delayed gratification? It is knowing how to delay immediate pleasure in order to achieve a more meaningful and important goal. It is choosing discipline over the ease of distraction. It is not jumping at the first thing that looks appealing and easy.

Perhaps this was a coincidence? Maybe some children are born with better self-control than others.

A modified Marshmallow Experiment at a different institution, years after the original, set out to answer this. To do this, the researchers had to add a different variable: reliability.

The children were split into two groups. The first group was exposed to a series of untrustworthy experiences before they were even given the marshmallow option. For example, the children in this group were given a small box of crayons and promised a bigger box later. It never showed up. The second group was exposed to reliable experiences. They were promised more crayons and they actually received them.

I am sure you can guess what happened when the marshmallows entered the equation. The children in the unreliable experience group hadn’t learned to trust so the thought of getting that second marshmallow if they resisted the urge to eat the original marshmallow didn’t ring true. They almost immediately ate the first one.

The children in the reliable experience group had already begun to train their brains that delayed gratification was worth it. They already knew they could wait to receive something more desirable.

The results of this experiment showed that the ability to delay gratification was not a natural trait. Their self-discipline was influenced by the environment and their experiences.

Yes, I know. A bunch of four-year-olds making a decision about a marshmallow isn’t the end-all to be-all in the study of human behaviour. There are many variables along the path of life. This experiment did show that if you want to be as successful as possible, you must develop the self-discipline to do something more difficult rather than becoming distracted and taking the easy route.

Delayed gratification over instant gratification.

Would you have eaten the first marshmallow?

A second question you may be thinking is, can you develop delayed gratification if you don’t have it? If as a child you would have eaten that marshmallow, can you learn how to have more discipline?

The simple answer is yes. Much like the children in the second experiment, you need to create trustworthy experiences for yourself rather than unreliable ones.

Here are some ideas to set yourself up for success:

1. Remind yourself of why you are delaying gratification. Having the big picture in mind of what you are working toward is the perfect reminder of any sacrifice you may feel you are making. For example, having a picture of a vacation spot or a home you are saving for on your mirror may deter you from buying your ninth pair of brown shoes.

2. Do something that doesn’t take hours and hours to complete. Make it short and sweet. For example, don't start your newly desired exercise life with an overwhelming schedule to adhere to. Make it 15 minutes. Maybe even 5 minutes. Instead of swimming a mile, just get in the pool and do one lap. Make yourself a winner.

3. Give yourself a small goal that you cannot fail. Start tiny. Then increase what is required to achieve the goal by a small amount. This incremental progress will build confidence with each small success. For example, before indulging in a late-night snack that you don’t really need, wait 2 minutes before doing so. Increase the minutes each day that you need to wait. This trains your brain that you have what it takes to resist an instant impulse.

4. Don’t procrastinate because the goal seems too big. To help with this, instead of keeping track of your results, keep track of your consistency. For me, I am trying to write a book. It can be overwhelming to think of writing a whole book. So, it is easy to put this task off. Instead, I try to write for 30 minutes a day and give myself a gold star for that! The string of gold stars shows my mind that I can do this.

While thinking of instant gratification versus delayed gratification, there is a caveat that I have thought of as I have reached the mid to later afternoon of my life. I am not sure I want to delay things that I know will make me happy right now. My long-term existence seems glaringly shorter now. If I want something, more often than not, I will try to secure it sooner than later. Maybe this is short-sighted and I am moving from a two-marshmallow sort of person to a one-marshmallow sort of person.

I think at this stage in my life, if I want the marshmallow, I will eat the marshmallow.

You?